Monday, 16 August 2010

Gay, Gayer, Gayest, Iceland!

I am here in my hotel room, alone on my first gay wedding anniversary.

Iceland is fucking gay. PERIOD

Few weeks ago, I was bitterly guiding while everyone is gay partying in Reykjavík. Yes people this was gay pride time and I was once again guiding.

Iceland is a fucking gay place if not the gayest place on earth. I don't understand why the Westboro church has not put Iceland on its hate list yet. What are they waiting to organize protest and stands screaming how fast Iceland is rushing its way to hell.

I am telling you: gays and lessies are dragging Iceland straight to Hell: gay marriage, a carpet muncher as Prime minister and me (though I might crossing the straight line as one my ex-tourist accused me few weeks ago to have seduced his wife during their trip in Iceland. Yes, I am a very devious guide) A small Google image search will give you a small glimpse of the local gay life. Yes! This is all about Iceland's prime minister Jóhanna Sigurðarsdóttir.

Anti-gay conspiracists might have been right: There is a gay agenda: To turn every country into fabulous countries. (Kreppa Chic style in the case of Iceland)

This is, this period of the year where I am guiding like there is no tomorrow. Pimping Iceland.

I am now guiding on the south coast of Iceland and during the past few weeks I have never seen that many gay couple touristing around. Butchy lessies, butchy gay and rainbow gay families with multicolour childrens. Is there any straight people left here? I even have 2 pintades in my current group…

Like every year, the Gay Pride week-end turned a national holiday. I think that somehow gay pride has lost its sense in Iceland. Too many rights killed the Pride. This is getting too easy. We can get married. 15 years old teens are coming out of the closet on national TV while their dads sit next to them and support them. What has happened to the world? Lessies are getting pregnant faster than bunnies and gays will soon probably have access to surrogates.

I seriously start to miss the time where in Iceland, gay people were shanghaied to Denmark as soon as they diagnosed with homosexuality. Even if this is nice to be walking around everywhere hand in hand with the hubby, I kind of miss sometimes the bonheur of being insulted/humiliated/beaten in a street. I want to feel subversive, socially dangerous. When can I be a moral threat to society again?

I got gay married last year. Even if the law about full marriage equality was not yet voted, I still had a big gay fat wedding. I was actually married but under a special homosexual regime. This regime has been merged to the one of the heterosexuals. Equality for all !

I have very rarely heard negative comments about my kind here in Iceland. No one in my hubby families made "funny" faces when we announced we were going to tie the knot. They were very nice to us. (Though some of his far away relatives asked me when I was moving back to France during the party, but that has nothing to do with the fact I was gay. They often ask me this and usually vote for the Independence Party J).

The general population is very gay friendly in Iceland. On Gay pride day, my current very good and friendly bus driver (That's a first: a bus driver I like. I guess I am not that dead inside after all) told me yesterday over dinner that he was a great supporter of the gay cause but, he does not supports clown. I would have to agree with him. Clowns should be shanghaied to Denmark.

What he meant by clown was all those of my kind that like to dressed up in flashy outfits and fab around. They might have found a new leader the Mayor of Reykjavík who showed up at the opening ceremony of the gay pride in drag and was first in the parade still dressed as a woman. I am telling you: Hell: We are queer. We are heading there.

I have nothing against drags or arty flaming gay people ( though Iceland is mass producing them). I am just sometime tired of having them on the cover of the gay pride magazine, on TV, TV shows or in all kind of new papers. I think that would be a great victory to have a mainstream gay couple on the cover of the gay pride magazine would be a great victory. Yes I know, make up sells better.

As this is gay pride month, here are few highlights on the local gay life.

To make things easier, I am going to present it as a Kingdom/ Queendom.

First, let me introduce her highness the Empress/Kaiser/Goddess/Queen of the whole local gay world: her super highness Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir. Iceland's Prime Minister. She is originally a stewardess (no this is NOT the plot for a X rated movie).

Last year one of my tourist though she was hot. He was sixty something and asked me if I know of any "hot" picture of Jóhanna and her wife…Thanks for the images in my head. Jóhanna thus became a PMILF !!!

She married her partenaire few weeks ago just after the law about full marriage equality passed. She was actually the first one of doing so. Her wife is a journalist / writer. What I like is that she is very discreet about her private life. She mainstreams well but. I can´t wait for an official visit from abroad with spouses exhibitions. That should be fun.

Her best lesbian quote: "my time will come" everyone thought she was talking about her political career, we know today she was just advocating her lesbian agenda.

Here is a picture of her. You can see how the light shine on her.

She is Holy!

Knee in front of her.

Her court is populated of fabulous royalties. There is also some other gayies and lessies in the parliament but they do not belong in this post.

Holy music gay Icons/stars/knights/wrecks have a special place within Iceland gay kingdom.

First, the Queen of "fucking everything" Gayiceland. (Yes you also are supposed to knee on front of him): Pall Oscar, former Eurovision contestant from 1997, Eurovision Queen and fabuuuuuuuuuuuuuulous artist, and probably the last and only DJ on earth to still play remix of Whitney Houston when it is not even midnight yet. He has been around for ages. He is loved by infants in Iceland. He is shiny and colourful. He has release a best of last year. In the best of booklet was a picture of him wearing a leather jackets and only a pair of chaps… He is loved by infants. He is actually a good singer.

Páll wears pink lycra outfits like no one else.

Here is a small video of him from the 1997 Eurovision song contest and one of his latest song




I know, very subversive for 1997...

Allt fyrir ástina is one of his last song. It has been a big hit in Iceland.



He gave birth to several "artists" including Haffi Haff. Yes, Palli reproduces. If Palli is the Queen, Haffi haff is probably the crown prince. They have been hanging around a lot lately. Few months ago in Iceland's unique gossip magazine Seyð og Heyrt (seen and heard) it appeared that him and Páll Óscar have had the same silicon lip job. Coincidence ? I do not think so.

Haffi tried once to go to Eurovision but the sheep were not ready to send him to the free world and they voted him out of the national contest. In his defence he did had some serious competitors such as Merzedes Club

Yes I know your ears are bleeding now.

Here is a picture of Haffi

Haffi haff is on the right of the picture along with 2 faghags.
Please notice the professional lip ducking one on the left.
Fierce

Haffi Haff has been out, as an artist… for a couple of years. I personally think that listening to him is a human right violation but yet I am a happy malcontent and I am not an artist. Fun facts: he confessed that he was in indeed fan of Lady gaga. Who would have guessed? He also likes to surprise/shock the public telling that YES HE IS A HOMOoooooSEXUAL. Who would have guessed? The countryside nicelanders love him. He is all time on tour in some far away countryside town /barn. He recently fired his manager for not supporting Haffi's will to start an international career… Haffi Haff has to yet understand that what happens in the barn…stays in the barn.

Here is "Jealousy". (no, he is not copying anyone)



He also released this wonderful piece of art: "Buried alive" and remember he is a tiny fan of Lady Gaga who at the same time released her Bad Romance video. I actually think that Gaga and Haffi are only one person. If you don't believe me ask yourself this question: Have you ever seen them together in the same room? No ?

Anyway, here is the video: "Buried Alive"


Now your ears are haemorrhaging. I know.

There is also Fríðrik Ómar. Knight of gayiceland.

He is on the right.

I think he is the Holy knight of fag hags. (and god knows there are a lot of them in Iceland). He is from the north of Iceland. Few years agao, I lived for a couple of month in the town next to the town where he is from. While picking a pizza in the local bar, I heard few clients talking about the new and "only" gays in in the village, a.k.a me and Hubby G. They were glad that we were good normal gay people. They said that we were not like Fríðrik Ómar. I have never been so proud in my life. Fríðrik can actually sings. He knows also how to put too much make-up. This year, he inherited of the Gay Pride anthem. Yes there is a gay pride anthem in Iceland. Do I need to remind you that we have a lesbian as Prime minister. What did you expect?

Fun fact: Here is his performance during Eurovision in 2008. At this time he was in a band name Eurobandið along with his fag hag.



Last but not least Daníel Óliver. Daniel has yet to prove his value to the great homosexual kingdom of Gayiceland. Daníel is fresh and new. He has yet to be touched by grace but has everything that one needs to become a gay royalty: a wind machine, some hairs and some stylish tape outfits. I actually give him a good gay behaviour points for not shaving his armpits.

Here is a picture of him. (no it has not been photoshopedJ)

He recently released a song called Dr.Love… where he does not hide his feelings for his kind. I think he should be the mystic of the gay court. He has special power: He turns straight people into vampires…euh….gays. even if he is powerfull. He has yet to understand that until he will not start to shine until he begins to wear shiny colourful outfits like his fellows gay artists above. I give him a good point for a "sensitive use of a wind machine". He is sure on his way to Eurovision.

Here is the Dr.Love music video.



Yes I know, now you are deaf.

Around this musical court evolve an incredible amount of fag hags. Too many of them. Iceland is mass producing them. I actually hate Icelandic faghag (i have a very good danish one). Especially the young and inexperienced one. The rare few times I have partying been in Barbara, Reykjavík's only official gay bar, I all time met some young faghag asking me if I was gay. Usually when I answered them yes, they screamed their happiness to have find a true gay person… I usually run away.

There is worse than young Icelandic faghags. Old gayless faghag. Those are the worst. This is usually girls that who do not have found their fag and have more or less gave up on finding one but still hang out in gay places and parties in the hope that maybe one day, some gay soul… Old-fag-less-hags usually drink their misery and end up wandering around the place…stepping with their high heels on everyone else tows.

You know why Iceland is a fucking gay place. I actually starting to think that we might not be in presence of a gay kingdom but an army. An army of fabulous soldiers ready to fight and the more I look around me, the more I listen to their soldiers'songs the more I think that they are plotting a gay outvasion…

Beware. You have been warned.

Virgile

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