Friday, 22 April 2011

Vampirized by Iceland

Lucky me, I have been to escape from Iceland for few days. The free world is amazing. The free world
is sunny and warm. The free world is Sweden.
Tough the free world is kind of strange when you
have to multiply the price of things by 18 in order to know the equivalent price in Icelandic Króna (ISK).
This is not easy to multiply by 18. and it is also probably very dangerous both for your mental and
emotional health to do that. This is just painful. No one should have to multiply prices by 18. Maybe
it is time to make the ISK bounce back.
Though when you buy let's say some food, (usually the
cheapest one on the menu), you kind of feel that you are being very naughty. I have felt that.."this is
taboo feeling". This is like playing with fire. Tempting and burning.

I think the people in Iceland who wants to hold back on the Icelandic króna haven t been abroad for a very long time, or they are
some kind of mathematical genius that can multiply 273 per 18 in less than 10 seconds. Maybe it is
time to let is got. Maybe it is time to pull the plug and let Krónan Bouncedóttir die in peace. Why
shoud the króna fights curencies who are 18 times stronger? It is like remaking David and Goliath
but with a drunk legless and armless david. Not fair. Not even in a chance.

One other thing that i need to mention is the fact that my body has apparently mutated. I probably do
no photosynthezise sun light anymore. My skins, my cells have given up on sun light. Thank you
Iceland to have sentenced me to eternal darkness. After a full day in the sun, just walking around i
feel like i have been laying on a tanning bed for a full month. No because I got one of those amazing
healthy tan / orange glow. I just feel cooked on the inside, my brain is mushy, my eyes are tearing
and this even though I was wearing sun glasses. My skin, exposed to those long hours of sunlight
did not even changed color. I am still as white as Casper the ghost' s ass. Not even a red sunburn

Nothing. Nada. Rien de rien.

Le Virgile il est toujours blanc comme un cul.
I remenber few
years ago, when i was exposing myself to the sun, I was getting at least redish. Now I have as much
albedo as a glacier in Iceland. I am reflecting sunlight. Conclusion of the sun exposure day: I have
been vampirized by Iceland and I am not one of one of those sparkling/glittering Twigh Light
The next time i expose myself to the sun, i will most likely change into a puff of ashes.
Thank you Iceland, to have changed the French man that I am, into a creature of darkness. The only
thing that I have to do now is to wander the streets of Gautaborg and to look for blood.


Saturday, 9 April 2011

How do you F****like Iceland?

This is how a normal salad/lettuce looks like.

How do you F**** like Iceland?

Right now honey...not very much. I am a bit Over Dosing on it. I am getting tired of this country. When i came six years ago, it seemed to be the country of love and honey... or what ever sweet stuff you can eat. Today i have been forced after months, years of struggles, to create the

Union of pissedoffforeignersthatgotfuckingtrickedbyIcelandandwanttheirlifeback.

Dear Iceland, you deceit me. We demand that Iceland.

- You learn to make the difference between a tomato ready for consumption and one that should hang on the tomato tree a bit longer, because when it is still that green it is not good to eat.

- Check the living status of vegetable. Not that we love surprises when we put our hands in vegetables boxes to pick green tomatoes...but sometimes...when it is gone that green and it is softy and moldy...and start to run after you and want to eat you... it is not good for consumption anymore. We are suppose to be at the other side of the food chain.

- We demand that you let your local Icelandic salad grows more than 5 leaves. I have seen salads in France, and in many other countries, they do not look like the one you are selling unless there has been a heat wave...which is impossible with the shitty cold, windy very snowy winter that you just offered us. Let the fucking salad grow.

- You don´t need to sell me the salad with the pot and ground. It is not a decorative plant. It is food. A salad is something you eat, not something that you display.

- Learn the name of the fucking vegetables. Me as a customer, going to a store, i would like to not have to worry about teaching those kids working behind cash machine what is...a zucchini, an aubergine, or a pumpkin, a passion fruit and even an avocado. (totally did this job when i was younger and i knew at least a 10 vegetables)

- If you don´t want your store staff to be embarrassed, stick to simple vegetable and fruits

- Chicken is meat. Goose is meat. Duck is meat so when i am in a place where i am eating and i don´t have the choice of the menu and one of your national waiter brings me a piece of Chicken or Goose or Duck and i am telling you that i am a Peisco-vegetarian (eat fish, vegetable but not mammal meat) and that i don´t eat that kind of stuff...Please Iceland don´t tell me that this is chicken, this is not meat.

- So learn vegetable names and do not mix them up with things that have feathers. Those are not the same.

- Why does Icelandic gouda taste the same as Icelandic feta who taste the same as Icelandic emmental which taste the same as Icelandic camembert who taste the same as Icelandic maribo which taste the same as Icelandic gouda? One cheese recipe, plenty of wrapping possibilities? Seriously?

- Why do you have to put in my daily newspaper picture of photoshoped meat slices and other meaty product? This is not attractive at all especially when it comes next to the obituary pictures or the freshly borne ones. It makes ones wander.

- Orange…People are not supposed to be orange. I am a geographer, I have dealt with quite a lot of people from all around the world, and no one is naturally orange especially in winter time. Get pale !

- I don´t really like to see that on every street corner the clothes that my grandmother would be wearing if she was still alive. This is ok to be a young hip and cool hipster and go vintage but seriously that leopard blouse you are wearing, with those purple cigarette pants…just don’t do it for you. My grandmother could rock that outfit you can´t. You are in your twenties, you don´t live in the twenties, or in the thirties, or in the fifties, neither in eastern europe during communist time.

- Did I mention that you were orange while wearing this?

- When my nose is full…. I use…a tissue to empty it. I blow my nose and then dispose of the tissue in a trash. I do not catch this nose full opportunity to suck it up my brain and makes animal noises.

- That this is not because on the map it seems that you are on the top of the world that…you are the Top of the world. Be versatile!

- Why does your female representative hide their “most beautiful beauty of the world” under a thick layer of make-up? Is it some kind of technique to prevent their kidnapping during some eventual Viking raid against Iceland? If it is the case, it is working perfectly.

- I have been here for more than 6 years. You do not need to ask me…When are you going home?…Because I am not! I am here to take your job, your money and your potential mate. (already did that last one, pretty proud of it).

- This is because I can answer já to the question Geturðu tala Íslensku ? (Can you speak Icelandic?) that I am fucking an awesome genius in Icelandic and that ég tala svo vel íslensku (I speak so good icelandic). Give a bit more credit, I can also say Nei and takk.

- Your language…Not that hard to learn, 6 years, 1 year of courses, a lot of guessing and voilà.

- Why does everyone has to have the same name? My husband has 3 cousins around his age with the same name and “family” name as him. I had to find him a silly nickname to differentiate him from the other ones.

- Stop to butcher my name. Virgile is not that hard to pronounce when you have volcanoes named eyjafjallajökull. Make an effort, if you can spit eyjafjallajökull you can spit my name.

- Your English…not that good and it comes from French person.

- Hire better translaters for the TV because me the Já guy that speaks so vel Islensku starts to realizes that sometimes your translation it does not really make sense.

- You don´t need to nationalize and literally translate the name of TV and Movie characters. Liz Lemon from 30 rock can´t be Lisa Sitrona, the same goes with Luke Skywalker and ALL the others ones.

- This is not because a star like Jake Gyllenhall (who is right now in Iceland) comes for a visit for once that he is a friend of Iceland. Friendship is not based on one visit.

- When on TV one of your journalist or TV host you present subject about HIV, World hanger, genocide, death….Please try to keep that smile, that joyful tone and those porcelainevenir teeth for your next office party. Serious subject. Serious face.

We are done for now, Iceland you may now go take a long look at yourself in the mirror and do some thinking. Don´t worry We will be back.


President of the Union of the PissedoffforeignersthatgotfuckingtrickedbyIcelandandwanttheirlifeback

Wednesday, 23 March 2011

The kitty plague of Iceland.

A vicious Icelandic viking kitty.

It has been a long time people. It has been a very long time since i posted something last summer i think, when i was (rightfully) whining about the new mayor/clown in chief of Reykjavík. History has shown that i was right. It did not took long J Anyway. No wait, i posted a stuff about gay Iceland? Today´s blog is dedicated to pussies.

People, while you read these lines, you should know that vicious cats are taking over Iceland. Yes, you read well: CATS. One might think that Icelanders should be worried about Icesave and the future of their children, bearing the burden of....blablabla mewwww mewwww....

Cats! People. CATS! They are taking over Iceland. The whole country will be soon dominated by an army of purring fur balls longing for petting sessions. The Kitty Plague is rambling the country. Think 28 days later VS Hello Kitty.

This is under the attack of cats, that I am writing theses lines. They may be my last.

Icelanders have a fucked relationship with their pet. For many years, dog were simply forbidden in Reykjavík. No one really knows why. If you live in a complex building, you have to ask the authorization of all the residents/owners within the building.If one does not want your pet, you cannot get it. If you don´t respect, the dog or cat police will come and take away your favourite pet and punish it. I am not kidding. Keep reading.

I live for example on the 5th floor of a complex building composed of 25 apartments. The laws of the building strictly stipulate that this is “officially” forbidden to own any kind of pet, without the consent of all the apartment owners. The laws from my building have been made before my birth (almost 30 years ago). Today, there are many pets in the building, despite the law (many cats). Residents live in total deny, THE National Sport in Iceland. The house meetings are extremely funny. Anyway, let´s go back to Iceland HATE for pet. The funny thing is that the argument is based on allergies. Ok fair enough, but for example, I am allergic to alcohol, maybe I should ask my neighbours to stop to hit the bottles while at their home, use perfumes, or any product that do contain alcohol, such as shampoos, creams, anything containing vinegars…etc. Fun isn´t it?

So inhabitants of Reykjavík were once forbidden to own pet. Today the situation got better, especially for dog and dog owner. Nevertheless, the situation for cats did not get better. We can all be glad of that. That is why, when one take a stroll down town Reykjavík, he will be surprised to meet on his way numerous cats, known as the slutty cats of 101 (the area code of this part of the city). Why slutty? Because they know that sex sells, and if they totally play the “I am a the Maria Magdalena of all pussies card”, you will be tempted to pet them. They will purr, they might even follow you a bit, but all this is just a stratagem to to charm you and exterminate you.

A cat and a polar bear down town Reykjavik ready to attack.

During last few months, several municipalities around Iceland have taken measure preventing the vicious invasion and taking over of Iceland by cats. First, Kópavogur, a charming, popular and not at all corrupted city situated in one the lovely suburbs of Reykjavík had to take drastic measure to fight its cat problems. I mean, cats were taking over the town. They were wandering around, chasing bird, crossing streets and even sometimes, gardens. Some people got mewed, one woman got her hand scratched and someone had a cat sneaking into his home at night. Vicious creatures! What might seem to be a normal behaviour by crazy cat ladies around the world (and me). Seem to be for inhabitants of Kópavogur a plot for taking over their town and the whole country. As a good soldier and all time prepared to defend Iceland, the town took extreme measures. They declared that all shall wear necklaces and be identifiable. If traitors /read cat owners failed to fulfil those requirements and if their hypothetic cat is being caught walking around without the necklace around its neck, the animal will be immediately arrested, and can be sentence to up to five days in the cat jail. The animal will be release to its owner after the sentence. The people of Kópavogur had no choices. They had to take actions. They even created 2 jobs for that. The cat police. I can´t even start to imagine the strategies cats have to develop to keep their vicious businesses running and escape the men in uniforms. Mewwww

In Hafnafjörður, also another lovely town in the suburbs of Reykjavík, residents of a nursing home situated 1) in the middle of a lava field 2) in the outskirt of town 3) close to a hjali (a a wooden structure used to dry fish) have been forbidden to feed the surrounding cats. They are mainly attracted by the hjali, but sometimes, they come to the old people nursing home and ask to be fed or even worst….pet. All this vicious purring makes one sick !

So it is now illegal to feed the “lava fied cats”. The town authorities and the director of the nursing home have even threaten to expelled the residents if they were not respecting the ban. They certainly hope that the unfed cats will just run disappear. My experience with cats tells me that 1) cats will get hungry, 2) they will eat the old people and feast in their remains. This how cats deal that kind situation. Mewwwww

In the north of the country, the town of Akureyri; known to be the second biggest town of Iceland, outside the capital area. A town that you should definitively visit if you have nothing to do at all and want to make a cure/detox based on the consumption of bad coffee and béarnaise sauce (N.B. they are usually served together. Do not ask why). Anyway. The town decided that inhabitants of the town, should first of all limit themselves to 3 cats per household (you can own as many other pets you want), that all the cats should be tagged and wear a necklace (fair enough). In addition to that, people will have to pay a yearly fee (6000 isk / 6000 in monkey money / 40 euros / 52 dollars) for each cat one owns. 18 000 isk a year if you have 3 cats; knowing that a cat can live more than 20 years, that is a lot of money. These cats better be the Roll-Royce of purring.

Those are only 3 example of the Kitty plague who is striking Iceland. While, we inhabitants of Iceland, are comfortably seating in our living room, worrying over the horrific state of the world, the fact that Iceland is being bullied by the whole universe and beyond, by the fact that the oil prices are going up because those Libyans do want more democracy. Cats are slowly taking over the country. They are vicious purring fur balls, looking for ways to wipe Icelanders out of the face of the Earth. They purr, they hiss, they mew and sometimes scratch.

People Beware! Run for the hills.

Mewwww Mewwww

Seriously. Why do Icelanders hate pet? Well my theory is that Icelanders hate pet like they hate ornamental flowers. Explaination: When the Althing, the current parliament building of Iceland was built at the end of the 19th century, a garden was created at the back of the building. In this garden, were planted tuilips and ornamental flowers. When that happened for the first time, Newspapers, journalists and people went mad about it. They were protesting the fact that had been planted non edible plants. Those plants were then useless and what was left of it have been destroyed. At that time, some sheep were running freely around Reykjavik. They started the job, humans finished it. Anyway, my point being that those plants got destroyed because they had no productive goal. They were just ornamentals thus useless. I think Icelanders have the same relationship with pets and especially with cats. They don´t see the point in them because you can´t eat them. Though Icelanders do eat weird stuff like subways boats, dominos pizzas and KFC chickens. Anyway, that is why I think they don´t like cat.

I love cats. I have had many when I was a kid, up to 5 if I remember right. That probably makes me a traitor in Iceland. ( just add it to my Icelandic treasons ‘list). I have been infected by the kitty plague.

This is getting late, and this is time for me to go to bed. Before that, I will have to obey to my 7 year old cat, May, who force me to let her (I humanize her a lot) drink water from the bathtub tap. I will also have to deal with the malicious attacks of Jóga, my 1 year old kitty who thinks that my toes are cocktail sausages waiting to be eaten (though she might be right). If I survive, they will fall asleep between my leg, purring, making sure than I cannot run away. If I make it through the night, around 7ish, Jóga will viciously sneak her paws under the cover, at different strategic spots (cocktail sausage, knees, ribs) to check if I am dead or not. If I am still alive, she will then go back to sleep.

Mewwwwww Mewwwww

Terror starts at home.


Friday, 27 August 2010

Flickr Update

I updated my flickr account.

Monday, 16 August 2010

Gay, Gayer, Gayest, Iceland!

I am here in my hotel room, alone on my first gay wedding anniversary.

Iceland is fucking gay. PERIOD

Few weeks ago, I was bitterly guiding while everyone is gay partying in Reykjavík. Yes people this was gay pride time and I was once again guiding.

Iceland is a fucking gay place if not the gayest place on earth. I don't understand why the Westboro church has not put Iceland on its hate list yet. What are they waiting to organize protest and stands screaming how fast Iceland is rushing its way to hell.

I am telling you: gays and lessies are dragging Iceland straight to Hell: gay marriage, a carpet muncher as Prime minister and me (though I might crossing the straight line as one my ex-tourist accused me few weeks ago to have seduced his wife during their trip in Iceland. Yes, I am a very devious guide) A small Google image search will give you a small glimpse of the local gay life. Yes! This is all about Iceland's prime minister Jóhanna Sigurðarsdóttir.

Anti-gay conspiracists might have been right: There is a gay agenda: To turn every country into fabulous countries. (Kreppa Chic style in the case of Iceland)

This is, this period of the year where I am guiding like there is no tomorrow. Pimping Iceland.

I am now guiding on the south coast of Iceland and during the past few weeks I have never seen that many gay couple touristing around. Butchy lessies, butchy gay and rainbow gay families with multicolour childrens. Is there any straight people left here? I even have 2 pintades in my current group…

Like every year, the Gay Pride week-end turned a national holiday. I think that somehow gay pride has lost its sense in Iceland. Too many rights killed the Pride. This is getting too easy. We can get married. 15 years old teens are coming out of the closet on national TV while their dads sit next to them and support them. What has happened to the world? Lessies are getting pregnant faster than bunnies and gays will soon probably have access to surrogates.

I seriously start to miss the time where in Iceland, gay people were shanghaied to Denmark as soon as they diagnosed with homosexuality. Even if this is nice to be walking around everywhere hand in hand with the hubby, I kind of miss sometimes the bonheur of being insulted/humiliated/beaten in a street. I want to feel subversive, socially dangerous. When can I be a moral threat to society again?

I got gay married last year. Even if the law about full marriage equality was not yet voted, I still had a big gay fat wedding. I was actually married but under a special homosexual regime. This regime has been merged to the one of the heterosexuals. Equality for all !

I have very rarely heard negative comments about my kind here in Iceland. No one in my hubby families made "funny" faces when we announced we were going to tie the knot. They were very nice to us. (Though some of his far away relatives asked me when I was moving back to France during the party, but that has nothing to do with the fact I was gay. They often ask me this and usually vote for the Independence Party J).

The general population is very gay friendly in Iceland. On Gay pride day, my current very good and friendly bus driver (That's a first: a bus driver I like. I guess I am not that dead inside after all) told me yesterday over dinner that he was a great supporter of the gay cause but, he does not supports clown. I would have to agree with him. Clowns should be shanghaied to Denmark.

What he meant by clown was all those of my kind that like to dressed up in flashy outfits and fab around. They might have found a new leader the Mayor of Reykjavík who showed up at the opening ceremony of the gay pride in drag and was first in the parade still dressed as a woman. I am telling you: Hell: We are queer. We are heading there.

I have nothing against drags or arty flaming gay people ( though Iceland is mass producing them). I am just sometime tired of having them on the cover of the gay pride magazine, on TV, TV shows or in all kind of new papers. I think that would be a great victory to have a mainstream gay couple on the cover of the gay pride magazine would be a great victory. Yes I know, make up sells better.

As this is gay pride month, here are few highlights on the local gay life.

To make things easier, I am going to present it as a Kingdom/ Queendom.

First, let me introduce her highness the Empress/Kaiser/Goddess/Queen of the whole local gay world: her super highness Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir. Iceland's Prime Minister. She is originally a stewardess (no this is NOT the plot for a X rated movie).

Last year one of my tourist though she was hot. He was sixty something and asked me if I know of any "hot" picture of Jóhanna and her wife…Thanks for the images in my head. Jóhanna thus became a PMILF !!!

She married her partenaire few weeks ago just after the law about full marriage equality passed. She was actually the first one of doing so. Her wife is a journalist / writer. What I like is that she is very discreet about her private life. She mainstreams well but. I can´t wait for an official visit from abroad with spouses exhibitions. That should be fun.

Her best lesbian quote: "my time will come" everyone thought she was talking about her political career, we know today she was just advocating her lesbian agenda.

Here is a picture of her. You can see how the light shine on her.

She is Holy!

Knee in front of her.

Her court is populated of fabulous royalties. There is also some other gayies and lessies in the parliament but they do not belong in this post.

Holy music gay Icons/stars/knights/wrecks have a special place within Iceland gay kingdom.

First, the Queen of "fucking everything" Gayiceland. (Yes you also are supposed to knee on front of him): Pall Oscar, former Eurovision contestant from 1997, Eurovision Queen and fabuuuuuuuuuuuuuulous artist, and probably the last and only DJ on earth to still play remix of Whitney Houston when it is not even midnight yet. He has been around for ages. He is loved by infants in Iceland. He is shiny and colourful. He has release a best of last year. In the best of booklet was a picture of him wearing a leather jackets and only a pair of chaps… He is loved by infants. He is actually a good singer.

Páll wears pink lycra outfits like no one else.

Here is a small video of him from the 1997 Eurovision song contest and one of his latest song

I know, very subversive for 1997...

Allt fyrir ástina is one of his last song. It has been a big hit in Iceland.

He gave birth to several "artists" including Haffi Haff. Yes, Palli reproduces. If Palli is the Queen, Haffi haff is probably the crown prince. They have been hanging around a lot lately. Few months ago in Iceland's unique gossip magazine Seyð og Heyrt (seen and heard) it appeared that him and Páll Óscar have had the same silicon lip job. Coincidence ? I do not think so.

Haffi tried once to go to Eurovision but the sheep were not ready to send him to the free world and they voted him out of the national contest. In his defence he did had some serious competitors such as Merzedes Club

Yes I know your ears are bleeding now.

Here is a picture of Haffi

Haffi haff is on the right of the picture along with 2 faghags.
Please notice the professional lip ducking one on the left.

Haffi Haff has been out, as an artist… for a couple of years. I personally think that listening to him is a human right violation but yet I am a happy malcontent and I am not an artist. Fun facts: he confessed that he was in indeed fan of Lady gaga. Who would have guessed? He also likes to surprise/shock the public telling that YES HE IS A HOMOoooooSEXUAL. Who would have guessed? The countryside nicelanders love him. He is all time on tour in some far away countryside town /barn. He recently fired his manager for not supporting Haffi's will to start an international career… Haffi Haff has to yet understand that what happens in the barn…stays in the barn.

Here is "Jealousy". (no, he is not copying anyone)

He also released this wonderful piece of art: "Buried alive" and remember he is a tiny fan of Lady Gaga who at the same time released her Bad Romance video. I actually think that Gaga and Haffi are only one person. If you don't believe me ask yourself this question: Have you ever seen them together in the same room? No ?

Anyway, here is the video: "Buried Alive"

Now your ears are haemorrhaging. I know.

There is also Fríðrik Ómar. Knight of gayiceland.

He is on the right.

I think he is the Holy knight of fag hags. (and god knows there are a lot of them in Iceland). He is from the north of Iceland. Few years agao, I lived for a couple of month in the town next to the town where he is from. While picking a pizza in the local bar, I heard few clients talking about the new and "only" gays in in the village, a.k.a me and Hubby G. They were glad that we were good normal gay people. They said that we were not like Fríðrik Ómar. I have never been so proud in my life. Fríðrik can actually sings. He knows also how to put too much make-up. This year, he inherited of the Gay Pride anthem. Yes there is a gay pride anthem in Iceland. Do I need to remind you that we have a lesbian as Prime minister. What did you expect?

Fun fact: Here is his performance during Eurovision in 2008. At this time he was in a band name Eurobandið along with his fag hag.

Last but not least Daníel Óliver. Daniel has yet to prove his value to the great homosexual kingdom of Gayiceland. Daníel is fresh and new. He has yet to be touched by grace but has everything that one needs to become a gay royalty: a wind machine, some hairs and some stylish tape outfits. I actually give him a good gay behaviour points for not shaving his armpits.

Here is a picture of him. (no it has not been photoshopedJ)

He recently released a song called Dr.Love… where he does not hide his feelings for his kind. I think he should be the mystic of the gay court. He has special power: He turns straight people into vampires…euh….gays. even if he is powerfull. He has yet to understand that until he will not start to shine until he begins to wear shiny colourful outfits like his fellows gay artists above. I give him a good point for a "sensitive use of a wind machine". He is sure on his way to Eurovision.

Here is the Dr.Love music video.

Yes I know, now you are deaf.

Around this musical court evolve an incredible amount of fag hags. Too many of them. Iceland is mass producing them. I actually hate Icelandic faghag (i have a very good danish one). Especially the young and inexperienced one. The rare few times I have partying been in Barbara, Reykjavík's only official gay bar, I all time met some young faghag asking me if I was gay. Usually when I answered them yes, they screamed their happiness to have find a true gay person… I usually run away.

There is worse than young Icelandic faghags. Old gayless faghag. Those are the worst. This is usually girls that who do not have found their fag and have more or less gave up on finding one but still hang out in gay places and parties in the hope that maybe one day, some gay soul… Old-fag-less-hags usually drink their misery and end up wandering around the place…stepping with their high heels on everyone else tows.

You know why Iceland is a fucking gay place. I actually starting to think that we might not be in presence of a gay kingdom but an army. An army of fabulous soldiers ready to fight and the more I look around me, the more I listen to their soldiers'songs the more I think that they are plotting a gay outvasion…

Beware. You have been warned.


Monday, 12 July 2010

On pimping Iceland

One has to eat and as i am still not funded for my PhD project, i am pimping Iceland occasionally. Yes Iceland is my whore and i am exposing her flesh to eager French tourists. That a cool job. I live to pimp Iceland. I love to pimp Iceland. Iceland is an easy girl. She is both able to please tourists and give them a good scare. I am not going to list all the many MERVEILLEUSES thingsto do here. The list will be endless. i would rather list all the many dangers one might expose oneself by coming to Iceland: Erupting volcanoes, floods, glacial surges, ghosts, bankers, witches, monsters, politicians, trolls, me and last but not least Icelanders.

There is a whole campaign right now in Iceland and outside Iceland to attract tourists. The crisis has rarefied the tourists. I guess people have less money to spend on overpriced holidays. Eyjafjallajökull's eruption has not helped either. Anyway...they are pimping Iceland even harder than me.

I have a cool job. I like to guide/pimp. It is fun most of the time . Tonight i am camping in a small town in the east of Iceland: Seyðisfjörður. 750 souls living in one pretty fjord. What is even better with Seyðisfjörður is that tonight they have some kind of festival "lunga". There is a lot of people for the festival. Many of them seem to come directly from the nineties, other from the nearest tanning salon (yes they do have one here). The program looks cool and if i did not had to feed 18 hungry tourists i would really like to go listen to some music. There is nevertheless one down side. This is free for people older than 50 years old. Once again, I am never part of the right crowd. In Reykjavik there is mostly free stuff for people with kids. I have neither an articial hip or a mini snotty thus i guess i have to pay.

People romanticize the guiding life, like they do with trolley trotters serving coffee on airplanes. Ok we go to many MERVEILLEUSES places but there is some serious downsides. I have so often to some boring places....

Geysir, for example. Do you know how many time i have this thing erupt? I have had received one króna every time Iceland geysir-ejaculates, i would be right now roasting my casper's white ass somewhere warm far far far away. If it was me, i would build a parking lot over the dam thing. One with a warm floor, heated thanks to hot water...

I am not even going to start to talk about Gullfoss.

Guiding is also a life learning experience. You meet all kind of people. The kind you will hopefully never meet again. Lately i have to say that i am learning A LOT.

Some days the guide needs to run away...just for an hour of two from the group, from its leader. This is what i am doing right now. I am a fugitive. I bet someone is right now gluing

I was borderline to add my name to the list of the many dangers you might encounter in Iceland.

Guiding has also many good sides. Yesterday i climbed a very nice volcano, Askja. I bathed in one of its crater. It was simply amazing. As a guide, i have notice that you can also let free your passive agressivity. People love it. This is one very good side of guiding.

The other good side is that it reminds me why i live here. If it was not for the mountain, the lakes and monsters, i would have taken my hubby the Viking far far away.

I have to go to sleep.

(BTW. While writing this post...I saw arrived in the coffee house where i ran away, few (local) models preparing themselves (with beer) for a woolly photoshoot in the coffee house...FIERCE ! (please notice the fashionables pink leggings)

Sunday, 30 May 2010

Yes i am a Malcontent / Terror starts at home

Germany won Eurovision..WTF/LOL? I personally thought it was boring and felt i was watching some kind of living room drunky singerstar session. I like more shinny things.

Here is a video of this year's Eurovision winner for those who dared to ignore this fabulous/tacky event.

I had a small party. Expect a full IceGlamish report on Eurovision with Apricot boobies, Justin Bieber look-a-like and catwomans....

On a more annoying matter

I am apparently not getting the current Besta Flokkurinn "jokes". I guess i must do some kind of "nafla skoðum" [umbilical review] as the local nicelanders would say.

They are now the biggest party in Reykjavík and their leader, most likely to be the Mayor of Reykjavík. I have blogged about him yesterday [link]

Love the fact that people keep telling me that i am not getting "THE JOKE"

I just think that nicelanders somehow voted and now party like it's 2007* all over again.

This is just my own opinion. This is funny because when people started to protest in 2008 i pointed out that it lacked ideology, a political message and a clear political & ideological leadership. People just wanted to clean up the then sitting National Assembly. Which was entirely justified at this time and eventually happened, but within the parties nothing has changed at all.

We are in 2010 and i think i was so RIGHT on this. Now this Best - Fucking - Flokkur (Best fucking friends?) is the best example of this and the other "classical" parties probably just realized it now and are going to come out of their coma. New political ideologies and methods on their way? Apparently our Social-democrat Prime Minister got the message. Other political party leaders not yet.

The biggest problems that B -F- F are going to face is that they manage to get elected without being political. Now they are going to have to start be political because decisions will have to be made and they will have to deal with opposition, both from other political parties and the general population. I actually think that this is nice to see that new people are taking over the political arena. Fresh blood for the crowd / Fresh blood for the monster. My issue is that, they still haven't REALLY told us what are they really going to do.

I think political candidates for every single party have been just high for a very long time. Each of them with their very own special drug (Where can i get some ?). I think voters may as well been high (Where can i get some ?). Everyone is probably heading to rehab right now (which is a very hype place to be and will be the subject of a future post. Maybe a live blogging session as i might eventually have some anger management issues to solve)

This all "mess" makes me think about a great scene from the excelent Six Feet Under TV series.

Terror starts at home / Revolution starts at home.

As long as the voters in Niceland will have not started to personally reconsider themselves they will not be able to move foward, neither their politicians. People get the gouvernment they deserve. We will see what happens in Reykjavík now and the during next four years. Good luck to them. Good luck to us.

In any case, when i went pick up my car today i walked accross the following graffiti/tag/territorial marking

I hope this is not some kind of premonitory sign :-)

On a even more extremely annoying matter, just to be clear and respond to those who say that I am all time malcontent; I would quote Natalie Dee:

*2007 WAS the THE year of reference in the Icelandic historical time. 2007 is the year were everything was fabulous, money was flooding in the gutter, the Króna was the beZt currency ever in the whole fucking Univers, and people were just HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY)