Saturday, 29 May 2010

To ease the pain..of the angry mob.

Úffffffff i am not blogging often enough, i should blog more often but i am just lazy

Strange times, inhabitants of Iceland, including me, are experiencing. Tomorrow is supposed to be a big day....Final of the Eurovision. Yes, Iceland made through the semi-finals so Eurovision party tomorrow evening with the hope to win this contest crowning fabulousness/tackiness/gayness...ég bíð spenntur....comme dirait l'autre.

The runner is year is Hera Björk…Femme Troll/Volcan. She has been around for a long time, she tried to make is at a singer in Iceland…with questionable results. She has mainly been many times as a back singer for other locals Eurovision contestants, and took part as a contestant for the pre Eurovision contest in Denmark last year where she ended in second place. She is what one might call a Eurovision whore…We all are…At least in Iceland (so no shame here). She is also known for having been in the past the spoke person for Pizza Hut and has had her own "five minutes of fame" moment in the infamous black/truth report on the economy crash of Iceland where someone in the report stated "the economy of Iceland swell like Hera Björk at Pizza Hut lunch buffet". Ouch.

She actually surprised me during the semi-finals. She did very good and the singing, the song and the beat have obviously been fixed and she is having fun on stage. Good performance so far. I would like to apologize to her. Hera if you read this blog. I am sorry to have misjudged you and even if your performances in Iceland during the pre-contest had as much charisma as an oyster. You rocked on stage in Oslo. Congrats. Here is a video of the semi-finals:

Tomorrow (30th of May) is also the day of the local elections...with the ultimate crown being Reykjavík. The campaign has been terribly borrrrrrrrrrring.

Apparently everything has to be about children, their well-being, their happiness, their health, their future and even the colour of their poop…EVERYTHING about those little screaming things….I came to the conclusion that Reykjavík is a fucking city for:

  1. Single people willing to have fun. (Reykjavík is actually a great town to do this)
  2. People with kids – they call them family – many kids….too many kids

If you don't belong to one of the previous categories you are basically screwed. Personally, I am unfortunately happily married and have 2 adorable cats, including one 7 months kitten…but that does not count as children and the local kindergarten does not accept kittens so I am basically an outcast… I am not election ingredient but, the delightful people of the National Registry and the Foreigner Office have found a solution for me. They "forget" to put my name on the voting list, considering that the period I lived in Reykjavík between 2004 and 2007 was not REAL even if i paid taxes, and had several consecutive appartments. I must have been in some kind of parallel reality like the people in LOST, or something similar. Should I start to be scared of the smoke monster?

This year the "classical" parties are running and few minor ones that have absolutely no chances to have a seat in the city council. Sad but true. There is also a scarry New one…

You have the Independence Party (they RUINED the whole country with their incompetent, nepotistic, pseudo liberalist policies). Their leader for the local election is the over/extremely/ȕbber smiling Hanna Birna, currently mayor of Reykjavík, which strangely looks like the singer for this year's Eurovision' s Armenian song. Here is the Albanian entry. (two thumbs up)

Here is the proof that they are i think the same person? if you doubt me...ask yourself: Have ever seen them in the same room at the same time ?

People have started to nickname her Miss Right, as she has never announced or commented a bad news. She usually send one of her henchman to do the dirty job to announce salary cuts or the lastest questionable decisions that they city council.

To be frank, she pisses me off, or as I would say in French: "elle me court sur le haricot" [she is running on my bean a.k.a she is getting on my nerves]. I am not even going to start to talk about the people who are on her list as they are ALL extremely unbearable. To sum up, before they get my vote they need:

  1. To get a small reality check. This is not 2007 anymore
  2. To realize that we do not live in the Carebears world
  3. To come out of the closet ASAP
  4. To tell the voters where can we buy the same shampoo.
  5. To get a minimum political education/culture.

(this is an exhaustive list. Candidates may choose a several possibilities)

Then there is Dagur…Ah Dagur Oh Dagur….leader of the Socio-democrat list. (They are currently in government). Outsiders (Yes there is a world outside Iceland) must know that Dagur

  1. He has curls.
  2. Fabulous curls.
  3. Flat feet.
  4. Is a Doctor.
  5. Did I say he has fabulous curly hair?
  6. That no one in this year Eurovision contest looks like him. He is therefore unique.

    Here is a picture of the fabulous curls in the wind
    (i know it is the season, but no wind machine has been used for this shot)

To be honest, I am supporting them. I do think that they have the most clear and structured program even if I am not totally agreeing at 100% with them. I am also sad to see that they only have a local vision of things even if "Dagur the fabulous curly hair", came with some idea from abroad. One the national scale, they have a credible international platform. They should have it for Reykjavík too.

Then there is the Left Greens. I frankly do not understand them. Their leader Sóley scares me a bit. She is obsessed with children and if we were in a Simpson episode she would be Helen Lovejoy.

(if you watch this video a couple of time in a row, it will make you feel like to personally experienced the whole political campain. Enjoy)

For me the Left Green party seems to be a gathering of "bitter but very concerned/ I want to be in the spotlight housewives" and a couple of very clever people who have to drag around the housewives. I haven't had time to go through their plan in details but from what I have seen they have actually pointing out few good points, like sorting the trashes, more buses etc., basic things that should have done years ago. Too little too late?

They are also other minor lists…which did not have anything noticeable…and then there is…the List for Besta Flokkurinn….the best party. tatataatatat

Besta Flokkurinn is a political UFO. Don't really know where they come from, and most important where they are going. I don't think they know themselves…

They are led by Jón Gnarr a famous and extremely popular Icelandic stand-up comedian/comic. Most of the people on the list are hip & cool 101ish (ex)artists. [101 is the downtown district]

This is Jón Gnarr and his dog.

(please notice the WTF look on the dog face)

They started this party as a joke.(as they said). They first made fun of politicians and promised that they will be as corrupted and nepotistic as one can be…Then the joke went on the voters...Then the jokes got bad very bad…in my taste… I a mean…Joking about importing Jews because they have money and create a ghetto for them… is out of the line…a deal breaker…even if you put the word joke at the end….The good thing is that if he get elected, I will officially be able to make all the bad / tasteless / disgusting comments I want and just put Djók….at the end….Fat and ugly people beware…

I am kind of terrified of what is going to happen tomorrow when the voting boothes will close because so far the Best Party, as they call themselves is the biggest party in town, according to the polls. Polls are not all time right. i do hope.

The Best Party have absolutely no platforms…only very unclear ideas…and nothing concrete except making Reykjavik a brighter and more fun city. They want to have a polar bear in the Reykjavík (and turn it officially into an animal prison; no on my watch) and have all kind of stuff for Idiots…No comments.

These are honourable causes one might say, especially the idiots part… there is a lot of those around lately. Many people pointed out the affairs of a city are a serious things. Tonight, during the last political debate between the candidates Jón Gnarr was asked what he wants to do to boost job opportunities in Reykjavík. He suggested that the city of Reykjavík should use some of its housing as a jail for white collars. Exactly what people want to hear right now. Someone needs some kind of sensitivity training.

Populist Jón Gnarr? I do think so. There is all this stuff going on lately about arresting the white collar people responsible for the economic failure of the country. Some of them have spent already some time in jail for investigation matters. Jón Gnarr certainly knows what the crowd wants to hear RIGHT NOW… but just as a small notice for him, prisons are a state matter not a local one and the Minister of Justice has already explained that was not a possibility to do this due to financial and practical reasons.

Everyone though that they will withdraw their candidature before the Election Day. It has not been the case. They are NOT joking. I think people are going to have a serious reality check on Monday if they get elected. Reykjavík will have a serious hangover for the next couple of years. I have nothing against new people in politic but not them.

His supporters have started to paint him as the Icelandic Obama....

Afsakið meðan ég æli! [Sorry while i puke]

They claim themselve to be revolutionary. I see nothing new there, just a new "distracting" packaging. NOTHING NEW

On Thursday I watched Videocracy a documentary on RUV, the National TV (they usually excel in playing excruciatingly borrrrrrrrring programs). Videocracy is a documentary about Silvio Berlusconi and Italia … I realized that Jón Gnarr might be the Icelandic version of Berlusconi. He promises his voters the funny and bright world he offers them through his different TV shows, stand-ups and interviews. A world were the audience laugh and relax while everything is fine and humoristic.


For me he just seems to be a demented power craving person. I don't think we need a another one like this in Iceland, if you know what I mean.

Voters might to have a massive hangover for the next 4 years….and as someone commented tonight "Reykvíkingar myndu kjósa sauðkind, væri hún markaðsett á sama hátt og Jón Gnarr" (Inhabitants of Reykjavík would vote for a sheep if it was market in the same way as Jón Gnarr). No comments.

In any case, I don't know who is the angry mob of the day.

The voters who are willing to vote for anything / anyone that comes up or to see that people haven't learnt anything from this motherfucking putain de bordel de merde economic crisis?

Maybe this is just me simply me who is on the edge of a nervous breakdown a la American Psycho? (an Icelandic version of course, with ashes.. a lot of them)

The good thing is that Icelanders still amaze me.


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